Our yearly tradition is that we go into the forest and cut down our Christmas tree. This year would have been the 3rd year to do so.
However, I've been kind of down this last week, and honestly haven't felt like doing anything.
It is hard work physically. It is cold, high elevation (about 9000 feet), and you are trekking through big banks of snow to find the tree you want. Two years ago – our first Christmas together – after we found the tree, I made a commitment to myself that I would lose some weight - and the following year, I lost 50 pounds. So getting our Christmas tree is more than a Christmas time memory for me. It reminds me of who I was, who I am now, and who I want to be in the future.
This year was no exception! Even though I insisted I did not want a Christmas tree this year, we warmed up the Suburban and hit the road.
Yep, we pretty much use this truck once a year … to get the Christmas tree!
First , it requires a permit from the forest service.
There are certain rules, like you have to go so many feet off the road (I think it is 100 feet), and you should find a tree that is in a "bunch" of trees, rather than a tree all by itself.
So many trees to choose from! My legs were hurting from walking through the snow, and trying NOT to step on logs or brush that might be covered by snow.
The forest is full of trees – none of them perfect. Some are tall, some are short. Some have lots of branches, some are missing some in a few spots. Some have skinny trunks, some have fat trunks. The trees in the forest – are a lot like us.
I've suffered from low self esteem all my life – feeling like I don't fit in and I'm not good enough. Even losing weight – in my opinion, doesn't help cure that 100%. You may look different on the outside when you lose weight, but you are still the same on the inside.
We cut down our tree and headed back. This is the hardest part for me … hiking back through the snow, while holding a VERY heavy tree.
Admittedly, I did not properly prepare. I forgot my boots, and I was wearing a pair of my husband's boots that were too big for me. He walked first, holding the bottom of the tree, and I brought up the rear, holding the top of the tree. He was walking a little faster than I felt I could handle, and I couldn't see where I was walking. I started to freak out a little. When we were almost 75% of the way back, I broke down and told him "I can't do this anymore".
He came over the gave me a big hug…. which brings me to the lesson I learned. If I don't tell him what is going on, I refuse to give him the opportunity to love me through my struggles. So many times, I want to keep it inside and I don't want him to see the ugliness I feel inside. However, when I get it out in the open, I give him the chance to shine. And he did.
We finally made it back, and got the tree on top of the truck.
All lit up and ready to go.
Nice thing about having a small dog – he couldn't care less about the tree! He is not interested in it at all!
(Yes – we know we are missing lights on the bottom the tree – we ran out!)
Coming up tomorrow – the Thai Beef Salad we had when we came back from our tree adventure!
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